You were so fucking worried about be able to see her an extra half hour you forgot about me and didn’t give a shit what you promised me. Once again.
Learn how to keep a fucking promise already! I’m sick of crying over you Matt. Ya know, you’re one to talk about Zac. You say if he doesn’t want to work to make things better then it’s not worth it. Yet you keep doing the same things to me over and over even though you see what it’s doing to me. I know I’ve been crazy lately and that doesnt help but you have me so stressed out and you’re always mad at me…you should be the one that’s there for me when I’m this upset even if you’re the one causing it and you keep making it worse and I can’t take it anymore! Just please stop….I need my best friend right now.

You love me too much.

But how did I get so lucky?

I really stop and think sometimes and it doesn’t make any sense.

I was 12.

And I still got you.

I got everything I’ll ever want.

Everything I’ll ever need lies within you.

I guess I have to look at it that way.

Why did you have to tell me how beautiful I looked?

And sing to me.

And do all the things I love you for.

And you make me cry when I start to think of how unfair everything is.

That you won’t be with me for some of the most special moments in my life so far.

That you tell me how much you love me and talk about our future.

I hate it and you know why?

Because after all that I can’t even have to simple joy to hold your hand.

Or just one single kiss.

You should be going to prom with me.

Just because you should.

And I saw it in your eyes when I tried that dress on before.

That you felt the same.

I love you so much Zac. So very much.

I just spend all period looking at rings. Lol ooops.

And of course I had to post this to my private blog so people didn’t freak out or make assumptions haha.

I want to cut so badly right now.

I need some monster.

I need some you.

Wait, you just asked me to see the Avengers with you.

Wut.

I don’t understand you.

I don’t know why I keep being nice to you.

I just can’t help it.

It’s not just you.

I just can’t abandon people like you.

I feel like we were friends once or whatever you wanna call us, so I shouldn’t give up on you until I’ve helped you in some way because that’s just who I am.

I don ‘t care what you’ve done to me because to me it somehow feels justified.

I just want you to somehow be happy.

And I hate that I can’t just forget about you.

Too bad you push everyone away and that’s why you don’t have friends. I tried being there for you. I tried so hard. Everyone did.

I feel like crying right now.

I just want to go home and go back to sleep.

Actually, I wanna clean.

Then sleep.

But I’m just very depressed today.

And I think I’ll skip dinner with my father tonight to hang out with Matt. I don’t think I could deal with my father today.